


Bad Advice For A Viking From A Thief

by ashleybenlove



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Ableist Language, Alcohol, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Community: disney_kink, Drinking, Drunkenness, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Misogyny, Pick-Up Lines, References to Sex, it's not shippy but can be if you want it to be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-07 00:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14659125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleybenlove/pseuds/ashleybenlove
Summary: Hiccup really should not get advice from Flynn Rider on how to get a date.





	Bad Advice For A Viking From A Thief

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this anonymously in September 2011 on the Disney Kink Meme for the prompt: "I want early movie Flynn giving early movie Hiccup really bad advice on how to get a date. I think it would be awesome in a bar, but where you want is fine. The more obnoxious Flynn is, the better."
> 
> Some of the pick-up lines (one direct and one partial) were lifted from an AskMen.com article called "Top 10: Bad Pickup Lines". I also likely based this at least a bit on Zapp Brannigan’s advice to Kif in the Futurama episode **Amazon Women In The Mood**.
> 
> I'd also like to note that at time I wrote this (September 2011), I had literally only seen HTTYD one (1) time, and that was in December 2010. 9 months prior! The punchline to this? I became a HTTYD fan in April 2013. I literally wrote fanfic for HTTYD before I was a fan.

Flynn sat next to this Viking kid in this Viking bar in this Viking land, drinking some kind of Viking drink, slightly inebriated. The kid was sipping some kind of lightweight drink, possibly water, he didn’t quite care. It might have been a diet whiskey. 

“So, Hiccy, you want a date?” Flynn asked. His words were quite slurred as he talked to Hiccup. “Just tell her that you like her breasts. She’ll appreciate that you like her body!”

“Are you sure?” Hiccup asked. “Because that sounds rather offensive.”

“Yeaahh,” Flynn slurred. He turned to face the kid and said, “You’re really hot, sweetheart. Especially your breasts. I like what you’ve done with them.” And then he patted Hiccup on the face sloppily. 

Hiccup raised an eyebrow.

“Comment on her cone-bra thing. Also, also, Hiccup, you should also tell her ‘Great legs: What time do they open?’” Flynn said. 

Hiccup cringed. This guy was not helpful. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, women like it when you’re blunt with them! They do!” Flynn said. 

Hiccup somehow felt that the type of woman Flynn meant for these pickup lines wasn’t the type he was interested in. And it was definitely confirmed when Flynn went on to say, “Here. Here’s another one, baby. ‘Can I buy you a drink or do you just want to have sex?’”

“Isn’t it just better to say, ‘Hi. I think you’re swell! Do you want to hang out?’” Hiccup asked. 

“No! That’s too lame! Who says ‘swell’ anymore?” Flynn said. 

Hiccup hit his forehead with his hand. 

“I love you,” Flynn told him. 

“Shut up, dude,” Hiccup said.


End file.
